Ponderings on ‘Wisdom’?
I was asked recently why it was that, outwardly anyway, I usually appeared relaxed and controlled, whatever the situation. I wasn’t sure whether that was a compliment or a frustrated complaint, and shrugged it off with an aside that I can’t remember.
Those of you who knew the ‘younger’ me will remember that I was, and still can be, a real hothead when someone or something really riles me or crosses my intentions. And indeed my eldest son (now aged 30 plus) probably had a quicker temper than myself as a young man.
But that was long ago, fortunately. Even my son, thankfully, has mellowed beyond belief.
That initial remark, however, got me thinking – why do we, as individuals, react the way we do to different situations – and what makes some of us change or ‘mellow’, whilst others remain intolerant and grumpy.
Messages come when you are ready to hear them
With that earlier episode still fresh on my mind whilst visiting a client a few days ago, I couldn’t help but notice the framed wording hanging on the wall opposite my client’s desk. It was the first verse of the well known ‘serenity prayer’. I’m sure you’ve come across it too. It reads:
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”
Perhaps these few words say it all – the clue being in the last line – ‘the wisdom’ to know how we should react to a given situation.
We all have loads of s*** we don’t want dumped in our laps daily . . . obstacles, placed in front of us that we either need to climb over, crawl around, or push out of the way in order to move on the way we want to go, but . . . . it’s how we react to the situation that is important.
As a youngster I focused on the problem – and, because nothing happened I got more and more frustrated and angry.
But with experience I began to change my focus. Instead of focusing on the problem, I concentrated on the solution. And guess what – solutions change events . . . and by changing the event the problems usually disappear.
Simply accept the things you cannot change, and change the things you can. Getting anxious or angry isn’t going to help, so what’s the point?
But that doesn’t, for one minute, mean that you simply shrug your shoulders, give up, and take the easy option - never ever do that! You must always do everything in your power or influence to ‘change’ or resolve what you can, resigning only when you really do know you’ve tried every concievable approach possible. Only then can you ‘relax’, without self recrimination, knowing you’ve absolutely done your best. That’s what puts you back in control.
“With experience comes wisdom”
From my earlier mistakes I learnt – that is ‘experience’. And with experience came the ‘wisdom’, the understanding and knowledge, to implement (in most instances) the appropriate action.
Understanding the situation puts you back in control of your affairs: it takes away the stress, leaving you calm and and collected. Result - instead of getting frustrated, angry and failing, you will lead a better, healthier and happier life, and you will create far more wealth (in every sense of the word) for yourself, your family, and those around you.
So, go make more money the smart way.
Richard C
October 25th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Richard, I agree that shifting focus from problem to “what am I going to do about it” helps melt problems away. Anger certainly never solved any problems for me, and in fact caused many.
I like to think about solutions in two steps: First, what can I do now to change things for the better. And then, what can I do so that this problem never happens again. The two steps combined ensure my opportunities for anger and frustration will be fewer in the future.
Kent
October 25th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Hi Richard
It’s like I always say to my partner Ton: you have to ‘pick’ your battles. (Ton being a hot-head when he was younger, when he grew-up and still is - but mellowing on the edges - about time too! ;-)).
You have to know - through experience - which aggravations you can turn into a solutions and which aggravations you better off ignoring or discarding. Which ones depend of course per person, per situation. Life does get easier, more relaxed that way.
Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specailly in business)
October 26th, 2007 at 8:38 am
On reflection I’d like something else to the ‘ponderings’. It’s a message you wrote to me beginning this year, when I started to realise something about becoming ‘mature’ (or mellow?), in any case more a listener and because of that being able to ‘give a guiding hand’ to someone. (And I’ve told you already how extraordinary this year is becoming.)
“I would add that I believe that with maturity one gains knowledge and experience, from which comes wisdom and confidence, and from that we feel able to deliver, in differing degrees, a very precious human characteristic - that of being able to help each other.
And, as you’ve noticed, I’m sure that, as we mature, we move from being impulsive and judgemental in our formative youth to being quieter, listening and observing, being more thoughtful, and consequently less judgemental - and in being less judgemental we no longer threaten the comfort zones of those with whom we communicate. Put this all together and we find that the more mature we are, the more can share and help those individuals that need our support (in whatever format that may be).
That’s the philosophical in me !!”
As I replied then (and still agree with today and tomorrow): Not just philosophical, you ‘teach’/'lead’ by example.
Karin H.
October 26th, 2007 at 10:11 am
Hi Karin, and Kent. Thanks for your comments above.
Kent you are so right about putting in place ’something’ to prevent the problem re-occurring again. That’s a must do for anyone.
And thanks especially to Karin for reminding me of those words I wrote earlier this year. As you will appreciate, from my various articles over time, I find it a great privilege to be able to facilitate in resolving situations and to assist those who want help, whether in business or otherwise.
I believe that we learn most by listening - not just hearing the words spoken, but really listening to the underlying message - and we begin to realise that in life, and in business too, very little is ever black and white, but that there are numerous shades of grey in between.
Deviating from the subject totally, and perhaps this should be the subject of an article in it’s own right, I believe that each of us is the product of the environment in which we were raised. By that, I mean that our belief systems are moulded absolutely by the experiences and social responsibilities ‘forced’ on us from day one by our parents, our friends, and the community in which we were brought up.
And too often these include ‘limiting’ beliefs that we all need help to break if we are to move forward in life and business.
October 26th, 2007 at 10:18 am
“And too often these include ‘limiting’ beliefs that we all need help to break if we are to move forward in life and business”
Karin H.
November 1st, 2007 at 5:54 am
Hi Richard, I liked the fact that you brought in the serenity prayer. That is so calming and can be used to move a moment we might be tempted to vent into something so very opposite as we might make a response. What a great reminder that we can change those times when a message comes that we might not be ready to hear in some very powerful ways.
Thanks Richard.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
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